September 11th

Even though it has been 11 years since we as Americans have dealt with such a tragedy as 9/11, the feeling that I experienced that day are still raw and bring me to tears. I do not think we will ever get the answers we need to move past why these horrific events happened. What I mean is we will never know what makes people tick and do the things that they do.

Eleven years ago today, I got Caleb and Cameron ready for school. I was dragging because I had only slept about 4 hours the previous night. I remember staying up sobbing into my pillows because just 15 hours before I dropped Larry off for "our" first deployment. In a sense I needed coffee to help me get through the day. I was already emotional because I was four months pregnant with Alexis. I made my coffee and called Alexis' godmother. This was a routine thing where we talked to each other for about an hour in the morning before getting our day started. I had just sat down on the couch and had my head tilted towards the floor. I heard my friend GASP. She screamed, "DID YOU SEE THAT?" I replied, "What?" And then the media did a replay of the first plane crashing into the tower. I was in shock, I felt that these types of things only happened in movies. A few minutes passed and we were finally able to talk and then the second tower was hit. I started bawling. I had never witness anything like that in my life. A few more minutes passed and I received a phone call. The person said, "The guys plane did not leave on time and it is believed that they were heading through New York City". I thought my heart was going to stop and I remember sobbing. I am not sure how long this went on but eventually I was able to gain control and make phone calls to my ladies. I remember sitting in the driveway thinking "What if Larry never gets to meet his first biological child. Who he has already determined was a little girl." I sobbed some more. Then I received a phone call from my friend Debbie asking me how I was. I really did not have any words for my emotions at the time. She told me she was on the way over to my house. By this time everything seemed like a blur and it was around 1 p.m. She asked me what I had ate and I said nothing. At this point eating was the last thing on my mind. She insisted that we went to grab something to eat. Finally, after talking to my friend upstairs and making arrangements with her to get Caleb off the bus, we headed to Burger King. Fort Drum was a small post at the time and often there was not a lot of activity, but this day it seemed like we were in a ghost town. We were told, "If you go off post, you may not get back on". Security was high and everything was starting to shut down. I begin to freak out that Cameron would not be able to get back home. I cried more because he was only in first grade and I knew that he would not understand the extent of what was going on.

Fortunately, the buses were allowed on and I called the schools to let them know that the boys would not be in school the next day. Cameron understanding more than most kids his age was impressionable and I knew that I had to calm myself in order to not freak him out. That night he peed in the bed for the first time in over three years. At almost 9 pm, I received a call from the FRG leader that the guys made it safely to their destination. I remember crying again and before I could finish my phone conversation with her, an incoming call was appearing on my caller ID. I told her I had to go and clicked over before she had time to respond. I heard the most beautiful voice ever. My husband! His Captain (we call him wild Bill) was concerned for me and allowed him to give me a 5 minute call. I learned that the guys were in Ireland when the planes hit and were not allowed outside of the airport were not informed as to why. The guys were kept on the plane once they landed until someone could brief them on what was going on. Of course many of them thought it was a "mission tactic" for training and then they played the clips. Silence is all that was heard. I am forever thankful that I had those friends in my life that day that helped me to get through it. And I am grateful that my husband is still with me this day.